Last week, I didn’t send out a newsletter from my website for the first time in five years. But, I had a very good reason. My son came off his motorbike at 100 kmph/62 mph and almost killed himself. With the catastrophic neck injuries he sustained, he should have been dead at the scene. After seven hours of surgery connecting his head back to his spine with metal plates, screws and bone grafts, he is called a miracle in the hospital. He also broke or injured several other parts of his body including a collapsed lung.
So, I spent six days in a small 3m x 3m (10ft x 10ft) hospital room by his side not knowing if he would be paralyzed or die at any moment.
Not great for my IBS symptoms!
Mix stress, fear and terrible hospital food together in a bowl and you create a dramatic return to IBS symptoms like I haven’t felt in years.
Pain, cramping, bloating and severe constipation – just when I sure didn’t need it. As a patient carer, I wasn’t allowed to use the toilets in the ward but had to exit the ward every time and then ring the bell to get back in. Not terribly convenient when I was needing the toilet several times a day and when I was always desperate to get back to my son. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling and completely helpless – he couldn’t even get a drink by himself. The consequent anxiety did nothing to relieve the symptoms. For two nights, I slept a total of about four hours as he needed constant attention so I was seriously sleep deprived by the third night when his girlfriend took over and I slept in the ward lounge on a narrow sofa. I did a lot of deep breathing and positive thinking during those six days to damp down my stress levels but some things are too big for any technique to succeed for long.
We are now back home and my symptoms are still playing up two days later, but gradually improving. This whole traumatic episode has well and truly reminded me of the need to get stress levels under control and to get enough sleep.
Below I have a video I made a while ago, but never made public, on the very best technique for stress control that I know. It saved me over and over during this last week from a complete meltdown.
A Life-saving Relaxation Tool
I want to talk to you about relaxation.
IBS is affected adversely by stress. Even if your diet is perfect, you can get symptoms just from stress because the brain sends signals down to the gut, and the gut gets upset. What can you do about this? We can’t always get rid of stress, and stress can be unexpected – it can happen at any time. It can be something like driving along and somebody cuts you off, and that stresses you out, sends adrenaline through the body. It could be your boss saying something unkind or even a member of your family.
Anyway, what we do about it is we do rhythmic breathing. Now that solution is so simple, but there’s a pile of science behind it. What happens when we’re stressed out? We have an ancient instinct that happens which is the fight-or-flight reaction that you’ve all heard about. A wild animal appears and we either run or we fight it if we’ve got an appropriate weapon. And what happens when you go into this fight-or-flight response is that the frontal lobe of your brain turns off. And why nature has this turn off is because that’s the organising, analytical, thinking rationally kind of part of your brain, and you do not want that working while you’re dealing with a fight-or-flight situation. You don’t want the person to stop and start analysing the situation because they are going to die before they do something. It needs to be an instinctive reaction. So that part of the brain closes down.
Today, we don’t have a wild animal attacking us – well, most of us don’t anyway. But any stress does the same thing. It closes down that frontal lobe, the heart beat increases, and the breathing increases. This is to get the body ready to respond. If you reverse that breathing, and breathe, not so much deeply, but also deeply, but rhythmically. Breathing rhythmically creates even waves. What happens is that the heart follows suit, and instead of beating erratically all over the place, it also becomes rhythmic, and the frontal lobe opens and the stress message doesn’t go from the brain to the gut. Because by bringing the heartbeat back to normal and the breathing back to normal, the body thinks there is no stress so you can get on with life. There’s no need to fight or run away.
When you have any stress that comes upon you suddenly or even long-term stress, you have to do the rhythmic breathing quickly as soon as the stress kicks in before the message gets from the brain to the gut. So, start that breathing, reverse the instant reaction of your body, and you will find that the frontal lobe opens, you can think more clearly, and you won’t get the gut symptoms, which is what we’re interested in, in particular.
So that’s the science behind it. You have to do this as a regular exercise, about ten minutes every day. Just sit down and do some regular breathing, and you’ll feel everything in your body slow down. The more often you do this, the quicker your response when you need it, when stress comes along. Because the big thing is to remember to do the breathing while you’re stressed, and the more often you do it over the weeks and months, the more likely you are to remember to let it kick in. I hope that has helped you. Thank you for watching, and goodbye.
What a story! Will definitely peek at this link. Incredible you would think of your site or newsletter at a time like this bit maybe a good diversion for the brain after a week of worrying!
It’s amazing our kids survive to adulthood. I hope when he recovers he will be very good to his momma! Seriously though, I am impressed you kept it together and as always shared with others what helped you. We all need every tool i
n our kit for times such as these. May you continue to heal as a family and keep breathing. 🙂 Good for Dario for remaining still during that crucial time!! I hope he can revisit the lifeguards who saved him- under happier circumstances! Blessings,
Yvonne
Yvonne, it’s good to be distracted by work and Dario is here in the house with me so all is well in my world right now. When he leaves, I will probably get anxious.
He has already reached out to try to find the lifeguards. I am sure he will find them.
So sorry to hear about your son’s accident! Just horrible, but glad to hear he’s doing as well as he is. This must be so upsetting on multiple levels for you. Do take care.
It has been an enormous blow but his spirit is amazing and he is only looking forward.
I am so sorry about your son’s accident. It sounds like a miracle of modern medicine and I am very grateful for these strides.
Hope your health gets back to normal now that he’s out of the woods.
Thanks, Heidi. He is doing well and my gut is slowly getting back to where it was.
How awful! So sorry to hear about your son’s accident. Praying for a full recovery. May your health be restored too during this difficult time. Appreciate all that you do and share with us that battle IBS. Do you have any examples of this breathing technique or websites that you can recommend that might show how to do the rythmic breathing? Thank you and God Bless.
Thanks, Shelby. The rhythmic breathing really has no special technique attached to it. You simply breath a little deeper than usual and in a rhythmic pattern. No counting or anything else is required for the body to realize all is well.
Thank you for showing us all how to deal with not just IBS but life itself. Sorry to see it took your son’s tragedy to bring it out but so veryhappy to hear things are on the mend both for your son and yourself. Glad you have each other, a blessing
Thank you, Rachel. IBS and life are all tied up together and each is affected by the other.
I have been thinking about you and your son every day. Can’t imagine how you survived those seven hours until he got out of surgery…
Sending love and smiles!
Martina, the only way I survived the surgery was to call my sister who drove almost two hours down to the hospital to be with me. Before she got there I was barely hanging on. We distracted each other for the duration of the surgery and then came the wonderful news that he had survived it intact.
So sorry to hear. Wish you all the best.
Thanks, Anne-Marie.
So sorry to hear of your sons terrible accident, I can not imagine how worried and stressed you have been, but pleased to hear he is on the mend and hope he makes a full recovery.
Take care.
Thank you, Wendy. It has been a harrowing time but all is well now.
Dearest Suzanne,
I am so happy that Dario is doing well and starting to heal after such a horrendous accident. We just never know what life is going to throw our way, but he definitely was being watched over that day thank God. Sending you healing thoughts for continued recovery for both of you. I know what you went through as my then ex-husband suffered a motorcycle crash three years ago the day after he had retired. It wasn’t as severe as Dario’s but basically crushed every bone in his face including his nose and jaw, from hitting the wind visor after the bike hit a rut and went off the side of a mountain rode. Thankful that there were no internal injuries. He was airlifted to a trauma hospital and has had five surgeries since then. He needs one or two more, and doesn’t look the same of course as his face had to be fully reconstructed is full of tiny metal plates and screws. We have to always remind ourselves that he was lucky to survive as he could very well have broken his neck. The first responders said they found his helmet about 20 feet away with the chin strap still attached, as the force must have pulled it off his head, can you imagine? They said they had never seen that happen before. As we are still friends, I got the first call from the hospital and he was unrecognizable when I saw him in emergency room, it was quite a shock to our daughter and myself. I went into take charge mode of course and somehow made it through that first few days, then nursing him through all the surgeries as well. The IBS did get worse of course, and I didn’t have the skills I do now,and am so thankful that I eventually found you and the Low Fodmap diet and your wonderful program that makes it all come together and make sense.
Cheers,
Kristine
Wow! How horrendous! Motorbikes are horrible things and should be banned. Everyone seems to have a story of someone close to them who has had a serious accident on one. Your husband is lucky to have survived and to have your wonderful support.
How terrible to have to go through that and how miraculous that he is alive and healing. He is lucky to have you as his mother.
And now you have shared the breathing with us all.
thank you many times over.
He is a miracle and I love his positive attitude about it all. Not sure how he does it.
Hi,
I just want to wish your son a speedy recovery!
What a thing to be going through…
Simone
Thank you, Simone.
How awful! Glad he is on the mend. Hopefully you will feel better soon.
Thanks, Robin. He is doing well and I am almost back to normal.
I was so sorry to hear of your son’s terrible accident and the stresses it has placed on you. I can’t even imagine how you got through it all. I’m glad he came through it and is on the mend. I hope your bout with IBS is short lived! Thanks so much for sharing this video at such a very difficult time in your life. I know I speak for many of us out there who suffer with IBS daily when I say that you bring us light at the end of the tunnel!
Thanks, Andrea. We cope in these situations because we have no choice and because others are relying on us. My IBS is pretty good now. I am very happy to hand on my knowledge to others and I am glad it helps you.
Dear Suzanne
I am in awe of your strength and Dario’s too
I hope you all continue to heal well
Carmel
Ps My son drives a motorbike
Thank you, Carmel. He is doing well now.
Dear Suzanne
A very, very scary experience for you and Dario both and every mothers worst nightmare. It is just as well they taught nuts and bolts stuff at medical school and that Dario is from the age of medical miracles rather than ours. Rehabilitation for Dario is going to be a long process, but if he has the same stoic nature as his Kiwi mother I am sure that he will bounce through it with the resilience typical of his generation.
And you Suzanne. Our mentor, our God … ?? (does this tag fit …maybe..??) Don’t let a small thing like a slip up pull you down any further. Get back in there as you have taught us to do and sort yourself out. (Does this sound familiar?) Get that fortitude active and don’t forget the “abdominal massage!!”
Love and best wishes to you both.
Robyn Burrett
It was very scary and we have been very lucky to have him still more or less intact. Apparently, a few years ago they couldn’t have done this type of operation.
I think mentor will do as a tag. I like how you are sending my teachings back to me. Thanks, Robyn.
Dear Suzanne, hope things get better and better for your son and all of you. Thanks for all you are doing for the ibs community. A huge hug.
Thank you, Andrea. Dario is doing much better now.
I am glad to be of help to other IBS sufferers.
Dear Suzanne, I’m so sorry to read that your son, Dario, had such an horrific accident, the stress and fear for you must have been so unbearable at times, but you have had to keep going and having positive thoughts, because that’s what mums do. My nephew had a serious motorbike accident, coming off his bike on the east coast of Tasmania in June 2015, his parents my husband’s sister and brother-in-law went through similar anguish and worry, and fear for his life after the accident and ongoing surgeries over the 12 months following the accident. Sending you love and positive thoughts, and hope your IBS settles now your boy is home and I sincerely hope he recovers well in time. I completed your coaching course over 3 years ago and have found your ongoing encouraging emails and recipes invaluable in keeping my IBS under control, with occasional ups and downs, but mostly manageable, thanks to your life-coaching. You are such an inspiration to all your followers, I hope you can feel some support and know love is out there for you.
I hope your nephew is doing well now. Dario is doing great and has just gone home to his place after 12 days with us. He is full of metal and still has broken bones but is coping. My IBS had also settled and I am fine.
Thank you for your kind words.